Near meets a girl :
by goirkens
Summary: We all know Near, L's heir who always plays with his toys, He's survived an angry pro-Kira mob, he met a president, constantly outwitted Mello, but there's one thing that he hasn't done that will be his most difficult challenge yet...talking to a girl.
1. The Girl and Optimus Prime

Hi there! This is my first official fanfic. I just randomly thought of it one day and I said to my brother, _"What if Near met a girl that he really likes?"_ It was origionally going to be a small comic, but I decided to make it a fanfic instead.

**_Death Note: Near Meets a Girl_**

**_Disclaimer:_** I do not own Death Note or any of the other random characters used in here. I do, however, own Natasha.

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**_1_**

"Mission control. Come in. This is Red 5. Come in mission control." Said Luke Skywalker in a spacesuit observing what looked like giant craters on a moon. Mission control, which was a giant ship nearby, answered the call.

"Red 5, this is Optimus Prime of Mission Control. What's the situation?"

"Nothin' out of the ordinary. Just empty space. I think I'll return to home—OH MY GOD!!!!

"Red 5, what's going on?"

"It's…its HORRIBLE!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!"

"What's out there? What's happening Red 5?"

"ZOMBIE RABBITS!!! THEY'RE VERY FURRY!!!" Larry Boy, who was standing next to Optimus Prime, looked very confused.

"Optimus Prime, did he say 'furry?'" asked Larry Boy.

"I believe so, Larry Boy. Hang on Red 5, help is on the way!"

"THEY'RE EATING MEEEE!!! THEY'RE EATING MEEEEEEEE!!! THE CANISTER! THEY GOT THE—gak!

"RED 5!!!!!" Action Man approached Optimus Prime.

"I'm sorry, sir. He's gone. And so is the fusion canister."

"I don't believe it, Action Man. Red 5 could escape anything." Suddenly, everyone heard a loud banging noise on the other end of the ship.

"Huh? What's that noise, Superman?" asked Barbie on the computers.

"I dunno, Barbie, but I have a bad feeling about this. GI Joe, send squad 7 to check out the noise."

"Aye, sir." He replied. Meanwhile, Mr. Fantastic noticed something on the monitor. He turned to face a large-headed boy.

"Dib, I think there's something on the monitor that you should see." Dib, who was working on some sort of device, hurried over.

"What is it, Mr. Fantastic?" Mr. Fantastic pointed to something on the monitor.

"It looks like a green alien with a Nintendo DS." Dib looked at the monitor, and then started shouting again.

"IT'S ZIM!!! I BET HE'S CONTROLLING THE BUNNIES!!!!!!" suddenly, the whole ship shook and an alarm started going off. Barbie started to panic as the whole ship lurched and she read the readings on her computer.

"OH NO!!!" She screamed, "THE BUNNIES HAVE BROKEN THROUGH THE WALL!!! THEY'RE HEADED THIS WAY!!!"

"Calm down, Barbie! Get the nuclear missiles from the armory." GI Joe commanded.

"They're _in_ the armory, GI Joe!"

"We've still got the escape pods!" suggested Batman, "Let's go!" Batman headed for the escape pods when Robin aimed a blaster at his head. Everyone, including the dark knight, was shocked

"I'm sorry, but _I'll_ be the only one getting off of this thing, Batman!" Robin said.

"Robin! How could you?"

"Sorry, everyone, but I was promised wealth and fame back on earth by the green alien."

"BUT IT'S ZIM!!! YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM!!!" Dib screamed. Robin smirked.

"Ah, Dib. You were always a good comrade, now I won't be able to see that giant head of yours again! Adios!" Dib's brow twitched with irritation.

"MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!!! Gimme that blaster, Joe." Dib grabbed Joe's blaster and shot Robin in the back.

"AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! YOU HIT ME!!!!" Robin screamed.

"YES!!! A DIRECT HIT!!!" Now you can't go anywhere, Dick!!!"

"Do you _have_ to use my name as an insult!?!?!?!"

"Yes."

"Action man! What are we gonna do?" asked Batwoman.

"I'm afraid there's only one thing we _can_ do: Self-destruct the ship!" Suddenly, Zim appeared on the monitor again.

"_Hello, Dib!_"

"ZIM!!! He's on the monitor!!!"

"_It's kind of sad that it has to end this way, sniveling worm monkey, but now I'll finally be rid of that gargantuan head of yours! MUAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!_"

"Pressing the self-destruct…NOW!!!" Jimmy Neutron pressed the self-destruct button.

"_**Self Destruct in 60 seconds.**_" Knowing he wouldn't have another chance, Larry Boy threw himself at Barbie.

"Barbie! I always loved you!" Barbie just gave him a weird look.

"Larry boy, what are you talking about?"

"Uh…you know…as a friend." Nearby, other friends were saying goodbye as well.

"Well, Walter, I guess this is goodbye." Said Integra nearby.

"It's been an honor serving you, Sir Integra."

"Raven! I'm sorry I cut up your spell books for paper snowflakes." Pleaded Beast boy. Raven glared at him with her evil stare.

"You did _what_ to my books!?!"

"Uh, nothing!"

"Kaoru! I always hated your cooking!" screamed little Yahiko.

"Yahiko, why would you tell me that _now?_" Kaoru screamed back.

"Because we're all gonna be dead soon."

"Wanda," said Cosmo, "Where did you hide Mr. Socky? I WANT MR. SOCKY!!!!!"

"Well, that was comforting." Said Wanda sarcastically.

"_**Self Destruct in 5…4…3…2…1…**_"

***

"Near! Are you still playing with those toys?" Near looks up to see Giovanni looking at him. "It's a nice day out, you really should go outside every once in a while!"

"Giovanni, it's getting to the best part! The zombie bunnies are about to be blown to smithereens!" Giovanni looked a bit confused.

"Zombie…bunnies? Anyways, you should at least spend a few minutes outside." Defeated, Near grabbed his Optimus Prime and walks outside. It was a beautiful spring day, birds were singing, flowers were blooming, and the ground was covered in dew that immediately soaked through Near's socks. It took him a moment to get used to the sunlight, and then he settled himself under a nearby apple tree with his toy. The morning fog felt kind of nice as it clung to his hair, but he would much rather be inside playing with the rest of his toys. Then, _IT_ happened.

A young girl about Near's age approached him. She had thin, brown hair that went down to mid-back level. Some small strands of hair fell in front of her face. Her big, blue eyes showed only joy and playfulness as she smiled, and she was cute!

"Hi! I'm Natasha. What's your name?" All Near could do was stare. Even though he was the smartest kid in the world, he had never been approached by a girl before—not even at the Whammy House. His mind was racing, trying to think of what to say, what to do. Near could feel his face grow hot in her presence and his palms started growing sweaty. He grew more and more nervous by the second. Finally, on an impulse, he bit the head off of his Optimus Prime! Natasha looked stunned as Near chewed the plastic. Giovanni and Lidner, who were watching from a distance, were also flabbergasted.

"Did he just bite the head off his Optimus Prime?" Giovanni asked.

"I guess that kind of explains why they keep getting damaged so fast." Lidner replied. Natasha still looked stunned.

"Um, what are you doing?" Natasha asked as he started on the left arm. Near could've sworn he felt his head grow hot. His mind was racing again, and without thinking, he took the toy (or what's left of it) out of his mouth and handed it to Natasha.

"Want one?" was all that Near could say. Natasha looked at him weirdly; this had to be the strangest sight she had ever seen.

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Okay then! That's chapter one for you! I'll update again soon. Please review.


	2. Desperate Times, Desperate Measures

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Here's chapter 2! This is where we see how clueless Near really is about girls (and why there are some things that he probaly shouldn't know). Enjoy! :)

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_**2**_

Near sat back inside his headquarters. He was completely embarrassed with his encounter with Natasha, but he still wanted to see her again. He thought to himself while working on his Natasha Lego. Rester was out shopping for groceries.

"_Why did I get so nervous around her?_" he thought, "_She's just another girl, right? Then again, I haven't really been around a lot of girls before. Doesn't matter, I still made a fool of myself and now Optimus Prime is headless and missing an arm. I wonder if…_"

"Lidner, what do you know about girls?" Lidner starts trying to hold back laughter and walks out of the room. Near turns to Giovanni.

"What do you know—"

"Don't ask me." Giovanni replied. Suddenly, Near gets an idea.

"Giovanni, get Mello on the line!" Giovanni dialed a number even though he had a pretty bad feeling about this. Mostly because he wasn't sure how Near was going to react to the information. It rang, and Mello answered.

"What is it Near?" complained Mello. This was the last thing he wanted to do, but Near was desperate. He took a deep breath, then asked the big question.

"What do you know about girls?" You could hear Mello chuckling on the other line.

"So, 'The Great Near', L's heir, the little kid I knew in England, has fallen in love, huh?" Near snapped the other arm off Optimus Prime.

"_He's mocking me!_"

"So, I'm assuming nobody told you about the stork and the birds and bees yet, right?"

"_Stork? Birds and Bees? _Uh, no. I don't think so." So, Mello explained the whole shebang about where babies come from, what happens when girls reach a certain age, and all that other stuff in the videos and books and more. When he finishes about five or so hours later, Near has a look of "wow" frozen on his face. Giovanni looked a bit concerned that this was too much information for Near to handle at the moment. Rester is also in shock holding the groceries in the corner thinking, "_I'm gone for five minutes and you let the kid get hardcore information on porno!?!_" Near finally speaks.

"…………wow……that was……very……detailed…Mello."

"Everything you need to know. Just don't get carried away." Mello hangs up.

***

At Mello's task force, one of his homies approaches him.

"Who was that?" he asked.

"It's just some stupid kid I knew once asking me about girls. He was never really that popular with them, anyway." The homie foolishly decided to take this opportunity to tease Mello.

"So he didn't get enough experience from constantly beating you?" At this, Mello turned around and shot the homie. All the other homies stared as the body fell to the floor.

"Anyone else want to comment?" Mello asked. Everyone quickly looked away or scattered. Mello sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. "Didn't think so." He said.

***

Back at Near's base, Near is still in shock for at least another minute. Giovanni starts looking a bit concerned.

"Uh, sir, you OK?" he asked. Near still stared straight ahead, but he somehow found his voice.

"………Don't………ever………leave me alone………with a girl………ever." Was all that Near could say.

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Yes, I know that it's a little short, but there's chapter 2!

Coming up in chapter 3,

_Near may still be desperate to learn about girls.  
__Who will he ask next?_

Please Review!


	3. Go Fish for Information

Chapter 3! Let's see what Near is willing to do now.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. If I did, Light would've been caught a lot sooner.

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_**3**_

It takes several more hours for Near to finally calm down enough to move around again. Then it takes him several more hours to be able to sleep. The next day, he was able to start thinking straight and talk normally again. He is playing with his toys again and is working on gluing Optimus Prime back together since Lidner won't buy him a new one.

"Rester, I'm starting to think that the info Mello gave me wasn't completely accurate." Near said.

"Do you know anyone who is willing to give you accurate info?" Rester replied.

"Yes, what do you—"

"Near, NO!" Near started thinking about his other options. It was obvious that none of his task force members were going to tell him anything, and Mello's information was starting to seem a little far-fetched. The only one that he knew would tell it to him straight was…

"Get L on the line. Tell him it's urgent!"

Meanwhile, Light and his task force are at their headquarters. The atmosphere is thick as Aizawa is working on his overall decision. He could choose Light, but he didn't trust him at all. He could also pick Matsuda, but he was a moron. His decision could affect the entire outcome. This one decision could determine whether or not he would win or lose it all. After thinking long and hard, he turns to Ide (a/n if you don't know who that is, he's Aizawa's friend with no eyebrows).

"Ide, do you have any threes?" Ide groans as he hands Aizawa the Go Fish card. Matsuda is up next.

"Hey, Light, do you have any aces?" Light looks down at his cards, which have five aces, and looks back at Matsuda.

"Nope, go fish." Mogi is about to look at Light's cards when Near's caller ID appears on the screen. Along with his caller ID, there is an alarm going off and a note on the bottom that says _**URGENT!!!**_

"It's Near!" said Matsuda. Light answers the call.

"Near, what's going on?" Light asks.

"…Could you please put Mr. Aizawa on the line?" Near answered. Light hands the mike over to Aizawa.

"Near, what's going on?" Aizawa asks.

"…Could you ask the rest of the task force to leave the room?" Aizawa watches as the task force leaves the room. Then turns back to the screen.

"…Could you also tell them to close the door?" Aizawa glares at Matsuda as he closes the door, then he turns to the screen _again_.

"OK. The rest of the task force is outside and the door is closed. What's going on?" There is a silence for a long moment. Outside of the room, Matsuda has his ear pressed against the door waiting to hear what is going on.

"There is a very serious matter we need to discuss." Said Near. There is another long silence before Near drops the bomb.

"…What do you know about girls?" A record somewhere scratches and a look of 'what the…' forms on Aizawa's face. At Nears headquarters, Rester, Lidner, and Giovanni give off a frustrated groan along with a couple of exasperated "Oh my god!"s going around. Matsuda is also surprised.

"Matsuda, what did Near say?" asked Ide eagerly.

"Near just asked Aizawa about girls." Ide, Mogi and Light look surprised as well. Aizawa starts to look mad.

" You call us, say it's urgent, have the rest of the task force leave the room, and ask me about _girls_!?!"

"You sound like you've never been fourteen before." Near replied calmly. Matsuda is telling the others what Near is saying.

"I think Near said he's fourteen." Matsuda said. Aizawa remembers when he was fourteen, then speaks again.

"Are you sure there isn't anyone else you could ask?"

"No one will tell me anything. Except for one person, but his information seems pretty far-fetched." Aizawa slaps his forehead then speaks into the mike again.

"Alright, but there's quite a bit of ground to cover." Matsuda starts to get excited.

"Aizawa's gonna tell Near about girls!" He said. Ide and Mogi try not to laugh. Light has his mind on something else.

"_If Near has a girlfriend, then…_" Light thinks to himself. Aizawa then starts telling Near about girls. He pretty much mentions a lot of the stuff Mello did, but this time its PG rated instead of XXX rated. Near seems to take this information a lot better than Mello's and his task force seems a lot calmer, too. Matsuda, Ide, and Mogi _all_ have their ears pressed against the door. Light is just leaning against the wall looking bored.

"Hey, Light, aren't you gonna listen?" asked Matsuda.

"Nah, I already know what there is to know about girls."

"…and that's all I can say." Aizawa ended with about an hour later.

"Thank you. And could you tell Mr. Matsuda and the others that it's not polite to eavesdrop?" Near hangs up and Matsuda and the others look surprised.

"How did he know we were eavesdropping?" asked Mogi. Matsuda shrugged as the door opened and the three members fell at the feet of a pretty mad Aizawa.

"Just for the record, I was the only one who didn't eavesdrop." Light stated. Aizawa eyed him suspiciously.

"I doubt you would have to, I bet Misa isn't the only girl you learned from." Light looked a little ticked-off from Aizawa's comment, but quickly brushed it off. The task force members quickly resumed their game.

"Hey Matsuda," asked Ide, "got any fives?"

"Nope, Go fish."

"CRAP!!! I never get any!!! Hey, a five!"

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There's chapter 3 for ya! Please Review!


	4. What NOT to say

Chapter four, How does Near plan to talk to Natasha? Keep reading to find out! :)

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**_4_**

Near sat in the midst of his task force headquarters and he was thinking about Natasha. It dawned on him that if they wound up being together, he might never be able to tell her that he was a detective without compromising her safety. He thought on this some more and decided that he would rather lead a double-life and make sure she was safe than tell her everything and find her dead the next morning. However, if the time were to come where he needed to or trusted her enough, he would tell her.

That could wait, though. Right now he needed to focus on talking to her first. He had heard a few lines on TV and tried out some along with a few of his own.

"Hi, I'm Near, you know, that one kid you tried talking to a couple days ago…then ate his toy…and handed it to you…oh boy!" Near crossed that greeting off a list he made, then read another one. "I didn't eat my toy, I glued it back together!" Okay…that one _still_ proved that he played with toys, and he had no idea if Natasha liked to play with them or not. Next on the list was something that he was _sure_ that worked on TV. He tried to pose all Macho, put his fists on his hips, and said, "Hey, Baby. If you were a booger, I'd pick you first." For that quote, he just couldn't keep a straight face and wound up cracking up and wondering why the heck he decided to try _that_ one! (A/n I was cracking up while writing that as well) After calming down, he crossed that one off the list and noticed that the only quote left was "Toy? What toy?" Near realized that he desperately needed help. Rester and the others were standing in the corner trying to hold back laughter as well.

"Were you _seriously_ thinking about using that line?" Rester asked. Near could feel his pale face turn a shade of red.

"I don't know, but I do need help."

You're not going to ask us about girls again, are you?" Giovanni asked.

"No, I already have the information I need…and a whole lot I could do without."

"OK, how about I pretend to be Natasha, and Rester and Giovanni will guide you through the whole thing." Lidner suggested. Near thought about this for a moment, then agreed.

"First of all," Giovanni stated, "The most important thing when you talk to a girl is to remain calm."

"That's easy for you to say!" Near said.

"Just pretend that Lidner is Natasha and we'll help if you get stuck. Ready, Go!" Lidner sat in front of Near.

"Hi! I'm Natasha, what's your name?" She imitated. Near could tell he was getting nervous again just by imagining, but he tried to think straight enough so he could answer the question.

"Uh, Egypt." Lidner looked at him weirdly and he felt his head grow hot as Rester rolled his eyes. Near wasn't sure, but it seemed like they were all thinking, '_Now that's just sad, The kid can't even tell a girl what his name is!_' Well, obviously he couldn't tell her what his _real_ name was since he was a detective and L's heir, but you get the idea.

"Near, she's asking for your name, not some country in Africa!" Rester said.

"Okay, let's try this again." Replied Near. Everyone got back into his or her positions.

"Hi, I'm Natasha, what's your name?" Lidner asked again. Near felt more confident this time.

"I'm Near, nice to meet you." Near held out his hand and Lidner shook it. At least that's _one_ thing he saw on TV that actually worked.

"Nice to meet you. Do you get out very often?"

"Get out what?" Rester bit his lip.

"She's asking if you go outside very often." Giovanni said this time.

"Oh." Near turned back to Lidner. "Well, I guess I do now."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Uh…there's nothing good on TV anymore."

"Tell me about it."

"Okay, the new episodes of _Sponge bob_ are—" At this point, Giovanni interrupted again.

"Uh, Near, 'Tell me about it' is a figure of speech. It means, 'Whatever, nothing new, heard about it before, been there, done that,' that sort of stuff." Near sighed. This was going to take a lot longer than he thought. "Let's start from 'Tell me about it'. Ready, Go!"

"Tell me about it." Lidner said again. Near was thinking hard about what to say to that.

"Uh………….I can't think of anything!" Lidner, Rester, and Giovanni all groaned in sync.

That's pretty much how the next few hours looked. Lidner and Near would talk for a little bit, then Near would freeze up and either Giovanni or Rester would give him advice. Of course there were also a bunch of frustrated groans and something about tacos and radioactive bike helmets. Finally, Rester got tired of this.

"How about the next time you go outside, you can wear an earpiece so we can guide you if you freeze up." Rester suggested.

"Alright, sounds like a plan." Near replied.

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Coming up in chapter 5,

_How will Near remain calm when he gets another chance to talk to Natasha?_

_Will he mess up, or will it be love at first sight? (_more like second sight.)

_**How does a giant rhinoceros named Toby fit into all this!?!** _(Okay, I made the Rhino up.)

Please Review, constructive criticism is welcome.


	5. Beauty and the Nervous Wreck

Here's chapter 5! Near has all the information that he needs (and tons that he doesn't) about girls, he practiced talking to one for an entire day, and his task force is supporting him the entire way. Will Near win the girl of his dreams? Or will he make a fool of himself _again?_

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_**5**_

This was Near's second day in a row outside waiting for Natasha. He was starting to get a little concerned that he scared her too much the first time they met. In fact, he knew he was probably supposed to be working on the Kira case right now. It was risky enough for him to be outside at all! But he probably wouldn't get another opportunity like this. His nerves calmed down a little when he saw Natasha approach him. She still appeared friendly, but a little more timid as if she was expecting him to do something weird again.

"Uh, hi! I'm Natasha, the girl you met before you ate your toy." Near was still a little nervous, but was relieved that she still had some sort of an interest in him. Now all he needed to do was remain calm and follow the advice of his task force members if he got stuck. He smiled.

"It's nice to see you again; I thought I scared you off." Near replied as calmly as possible. Natasha just smiled back.

"Well, a lot of my friends turn out to be weird somehow, so I'm used to it." _Ok, I guess that's good…sort of…_

"I see…"

"So…what's your name?" Near felt more confident this time. He had practiced, He was wearing that earpiece Rester suggested, and she was used to weirdness. He opened his mouth to tell her his name (a/n not his _real_ name!), but what came out wasn't what he expected at all.

"I'm Nacho!" _Wait, that's not right! _"I-I mean Noogie!" Near was starting to panic, he didn't expect talking to a girl to be this hard, especially after an entire day of practice! He tried to regain his composure. "What-what I mean is-is…" Giovanni, who was listening inside the task force headquarters along with the others, quickly grabbed the microphone.

"Near! Calm down! Your name is _Near_!" he screamed. Near took a deep breath to try to calm down.

"I-I-I'm Near! I'm Near." He could tell his face was turning several shades of red afterwards. She just smiled warmly, almost as if this type of greeting was normal. Maybe her friends talked like that, too? Or she had accidentally greeted someone like that before? Either way, the thought made him feel better.

"You're kinda funny, Near!" _Funny. That's good, right?_

"Thanks, you're cute." _D'oh!_

"Thanks! You don't look too bad yourself!" Her soft smile and friendly reply seemed to melt away the rest of Near's worries…for the moment. He patted the earth next to him.

"Wanna sit?" He asked. She nodded and sat down. _So far, so good._

"So, do you get out often?"

"Get out what?" _Moron! We practiced that!_ In the midst of his thoughts, he could hear Natasha's sweet giggle. _If she's making fun of me, I'm going back inside!_

"Good one, Near!" Near relaxed knowing that she wasn't making fun of him. If anything, she probably thought he said that on purpose, which was sorta good.

"What about you, do you get out often?"

"Only when there's nothing good on TV or when I'm done with homework, but either my parents or my older brother has to watch me." _Wait, does that mean her parents are watching my every move?!!_ Natasha pointed to a bush several feet away. "In fact, my brother is hiding over there and he thinks I don't know!" Near started to tense up. Talking to Natasha alone was hard enough, but to know that her older, and possibly overprotective, brother was watching them was nerve-racking! Natasha noticed Near's nervous look.

"He's not really that bad once you get to know him." Near was terrified still and started to twist a lock of his hair.

----

"This does not look good." Lidner said while she was watching the screens. Giovanni and Rester didn't have a good feeling about this either. It seemed like the only way to calm Near down was to have him do one thing that completely freaked him out right now–talk to Natasha's brother. But how were they going to convince him to do so? And how were they going to keep Near from making a fool of himself in front of one of the people that would determine if he would ever have a chance with Natasha at all?

----

It was awkwardly quiet between the two now that Near knew that he was being watched. The brunette could tell that this was her fault and that she had to break the ice somehow.

"Would it help if I introduced you?" Near was pretty much petrified by now when he heard Lidner's voice through the earpiece;

"Go ahead, Near. It's OK, we'll help you." At this, Near calmed down a little and agreed. Natasha grabbed his hand (a/n aww… how cute!) and led him toward the bush that said brother was hiding. Natasha's hand against his gave him a warming sensation that relaxed him once again.

Natasha and Near were now looking at an older boy that appeared to be about eighteen years of age. He stared suspiciously at Near, as if he was observing him. But now that Near was more relaxed, he stared at him the same way. It was obvious to Near that this guy was _very_ overprotective—and probably someone who would own a skateboard or listen to rock music. The funny thing was that he reminded him of Mello a little bit—except his pitch-black hair didn't make him look like a girl. Natasha introduced them;

"This is my brother, Chad. Chad, this is Near." They both stared at each other for another minute before forcefully shaking hands. After withdrawing their hands, Chad noticed something and "gently" grabbed the earpiece that Near was wearing. (A/n by "gently", I mean forcefully.)

"Natasha, are you aware that this kid was wearing an earpiece?" The task force members were starting to get a little worried right about now. Chad glared at Near and bent over so that they were staring at each other square in the eye. "Now what kind of business would you have wearing an earpiece, punk?" Near decided that telling the truth probably wouldn't do any damage.

"Well, I've never really talked to a girl before—" At this point, Chad grabbed the front of his shirt and lifted him a few feet above the ground.

"**_WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!?!?!?!?!_**" A frightened Natasha and task force were staring at the whole display in horror; this was NOT what they had expected. Near just kept a straight face.

"I was talking about _girls_. Not you!" This guy was _definitely_ just like Mello, especially with the temper. Plus, his breath stank! Natasha finally gained the courage to speak.

"CHAD!!! Put him down!!!" she screamed.

"He was wearing an earpiece and called me a girl! How do we know he can be trusted?"

"Put him down right now! It was probably his friends on the other line giving him advice!"

"Or maybe it was some underground Nazi group who sent a spy!"

_I'm a Nazi?_

"Let him go or I'm telling Mom that you beat up a kid for no reason! And he looks _nothing_ like a Nazi!" It was at that moment that Chad realized that he was attracting attention (and also Rester was blending in with the crowd in case he needed to intervene.). Reluctantly, he put Near back on the ground and turned to Natasha.

"Come on, it's time for us to head back anyway." He turned around and started walking. Natasha first turns to Near and helps him up.

"I'm sorry, he isn't usually like this. Will you be out here tomorrow?"

"Only if my guardians will let me." He replied. Chad turned around and waited for Natasha. She turned back to Near.

"Okay. Here's your earpiece, I'll see you later." She handed Near the earpiece and ran after her brother. Near just stood there and watched them leave as the crowd thinned out. After a few minutes, Rester approached him.

"Come on, it's time for us to head back as well."

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I wasn't origonally planning on giving Natasha an older brother, but that's how it turned out. I kind of imagine Chad being a lot like both Kevin from Ben10 and Mello. I wonder if they would be homies or enemies if they ever met...

_**Coming up in chapter 6,**_

_What does Near think of Chad?  
What's his plan of action?  
Will he and Natasha ever truly be together?_

_and..._

_How desperate **is** Near to find the girl of his dreams?_

Please Review!


	6. One Spy and a Foolproof Plan To Go

We just saw Near talk to Natasha again and meet her older brother in chapter 5, what's his plan of action now?

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_**6**_

Near was back in his headquarters making a new Chad Lego since he was in the picture now. Just that one encounter allowed him to learn a few things about Natasha;

Her parents were a little overprotective  
She seemed to like the outdoors  
She seemed to be a little afraid of her older brother, Chad  
She still had an interest in him (Near) despite their first encounter

From what Near could tell, he might still have a chance with Natasha, they just had to get away from Chad. But that was going to be tough, especially with what Near learned about him that day;

Chad was just like Mello, suspicious and easily offended  
He didn't trust Near at all  
He tries not to play rough when someone is watching, so he has a rep to maintain  
He is also overprotective

So, since this guy was just like Mello, he could be after Near's life now. But since this guy also had a reputation, he most likely wouldn't do it in public. If this guy was gonna murder him, it would most likely be when he's alone. The thought put a shiver through Near's spine. He turned to his task force.

"I have reason to believe that my life may be in danger." Everyone froze when they heard this.

"Why do you say that, Near?" Rester asked. Near held up the Chad Lego he had just finished.

"Chad is just like Mello from what I learned. If my suspicions are correct and he _is_ after my life, then he will most likely strike when I am alone. However, if Natasha really does trust him, then he could be a good actor _or _he found a way to make her trust him. It's too soon to tell either way, but we should be careful around him." Near set the Chad Lego down and thought some more. "Perhaps it would be wise to find out more information on him. If he is what I think he is, he'll most likely carry a weapon around somewhere." He turned to Rester. "Are you up for a mission?" Rester just shrugged.

"Um…I guess so." Near arranged the Legos so that Chad and Natasha were right next to a doll house (a/n coffcoffbarbie'sdreamhousecoffcoff). Then he placed the Rester Lego right next to the house as well.

"I need someone to search for a possible weapon, to keep an eye on Chad until we have further confirmation for which side he's on."

"You want me to spy on your girlfriend's brother?" Near seemed a little ticked-off at Rester's comment. It wasn't just that he seemed a little defiant, it was the way that he had said "girlfriend" that annoyed Near the most. Near _was_ kind of hoping that Natasha would like him back, but it sounded like Rester was teasing him.

"Yes, I do want you to spy on Chad. I suspect him to be after my life, so we need to send someone to investigate."

"You gotta be—" Near glared at him and that matter was settled. Rester really didn't want to spy on someone just because Near was a little paranoid. "_We're wasting our time._" He thought, "_We should be focusing on the Kira case, not some girl that Near's infatuated with!_" Rester glared at Giovanni as if to say, "_This is all your fault!_"

While Rester was fuming over his seemingly pointless mission, Near was thinking of ways that he could still be with Natasha without Chad interfering. Suddenly, Near got an idea that was pretty much foolproof. He smiled as the pieces seemed to fit together in his mind.

***

The next morning, Natasha was opening her locker at school and pulled out her Geography book. A friend of hers, a slightly plump redhead with her hair in a braid, approached her.

"Hey, Nat!" she said as she also started opening her locker, which was two down from Natasha's.

"Hey, Arwen. How was your weekend?" Arwen just let out a sigh.

"I had to clean the garage over at my dad's place. We found a few dead rats and he actually considered cooking them for dinner! _Cooking _dead rats! For _dinner_! Can you believe that?"

Natasha was only half listening. Her thoughts were still focused on the boy she had talked to yesterday and had met only about a week ago. She knew that it was too soon for her to be daydreaming about him, but there was just something about him. What was it? His cuteness? His humor? The way he seemed fearless in front of her brother? Whatever it was, she admired him for it, so she couldn't stop thinking about it. Arwen soon noticed her friend's daydream look.

"Ooooooooohhhhhh!!!!!! Looks like someone had a nice weekend, what happened?"

Natasha blushed. "N-nothing happened."

"Aw, come on! Is it a guy?"

"No! Well…sort of…yes."

"Who was it?"

"You don't know him."

"What's his name?"

"Like that would make any difference."

"Are you embarrassed to have met him?"

"NO!!!"

"Then why won't you tell me about him?"

"It's too soon."

"Are you dating?"

"I just met him! You know I won't date someone I just met!"

Arwen studied her friend. Her nervous expression revealed that she most likely had a crush on the dude, whoever he was, and as usual, she wanted to get to know him better before officially saying she had a crush on him. Arwen smiled.

"Okay, Nat. Have it your way. I'm gonna head to class now, see-ya at lunch!" Arwen walked off leaving Natasha at her locker.

Natasha was getting ready to head to her first class too when she noticed someone standing in the corner looking at the map of the school. "_Must be a new student._" She thought. She approached the figure and noticed that they weren't wearing any shoes, just socks. White socks.

"Excuse me, are you lost?" The person lowered the map that was shielding their face to reveal white hair and grey eyes along with a pale face. Natasha was a little surprised to find that it was Near. "I didn't know you came to this school, Near."

"I just started. Do you know where room HG 7 is?"

"That's my first class, too! We can both go!"

Near smiled. "Okay."

As they headed toward their first class, Giovanni watched Near to make sure that nothing bad happened. Just like Rester, Giovanni also thought this was a waste of time, but he also wanted Near to have the chance to meet a girl he could actually trust. The hall monitor, who was a measly 4 foot 7 freshman, approached Giovanni, who was hiding in a fake plant.

"Excuse me, sir," he said, "but I need to see your visitor's pass."

"Um…I don't have one. I'm very busy."

"You're hiding in a fake plant."

"…yes I am, now please go away."

"I have to see your visitor's pass."

"I don't have one!"

"Gee, that's too bad, 'Cuz now I'll have to call Tiny."

"Tiny?" Suddenly, a giant hand grasped the back of Giovanni's neck and lifted him into the air. The hand belonged to a very hairy senior that stood at 6 foot 9 and had an overbite. "Big Tiny" Was all that Giovanni had to say.

"Tiny, you know what to do." The 'human' version of the Hulk lumbered towards the front of the school, kicked open the front doors, and tossed Giovanni into the dumpster as if he was just a hunk of meat. And that's how he felt, too. Keeping an eye on Near was going to be a lot harder than he thought.

* * *

I bet you didn't see that coming! Near is now going to Natasha's school.

_How will he do in a public school?_

_And will Giovanni even survive?_

Find out in Chapter 7!

Please Review!


	7. School, Broccoli, and a Dumpster

Chapter 7! Let's see how Near does on his first day of school!

* * *

7

Natasha and Near entered the history classroom and approached the teacher.

"Near, this is Mr. Schloo…Schul…schilly… the teacher." A tall man who appeared to be of Dutch origin sat at a large desk. He smiled and held his hand out to Near.

"It's Mr. Schoonhoven, it's very nice to meet you." Near smiled and shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Schou…uh, can I call you Bob?" The teacher laughed.

"Interesting, that just happens to be my first name! And no. Anyway, we'll wait for the rest of the students to get here then we'll find a seat for you."

Natasha walked over to her desk and set her things down. Near followed her. "You'll like him." She said, "Compared to all the other teachers, he's pretty much the only normal one here." Near's imagination started going wild again. "_What does she mean by 'normal'? Could it be that everyone else is under the control of Kira? What makes this teacher different than the others, and are the students under Kira's control as well?_"

A few minutes later, the rest of the students entered the classroom. One blonde boy pointed to Near, "Hey, who's the albino? Is he our next science project?" Near didn't seem to respond as a brunette boy with longer hair approached the one who just spoke. "This is geography class, doofus!" was all that he said before sitting down.

"I knew that! I was testing you! You passed!" The bell rang and the teacher took attendance before turning to Near.

"Near, there's an open seat next to Billy and Willy in the back, you can sit there." He grabbed his books and headed for the seat that was right in between a short, big-nosed boy and a dirty, bald kid who looked like he couldn't even name the alphabet. As soon as Near sat down, the dirty kid, who was sitting on the right side, started making some really weird screamy noises and started to eat his shoe. He watched horrified as the kid sitting on his left tapped his shoulder.

"That's Willy," Said the big-nosed kid, "He does that sometimes." Near could only nod slightly with his face still frozen in his 'freaked out' face.

"Okay…I guess that's good to know…" Willy really started screaming when he wasn't able to eat his shoe. Billy just pointed at him.

"SHUT YOUR FAT PIE HOLE!!!" he screamed. Everyone in class just kept doing their work, as if this was normal or just didn't exist. Near wasn't sure he could stand an entire hour of this, but if he wanted to get to know Natasha better, sacrifices had to be made. He just took a deep breath and readied himself for the remaining forty-five minutes of terror.

***

Giovanni awoke in the dumpster that he was thrown into by "Tiny". He sat up still in a daze. The first thing that came back was the fact that he had been thrown into a dumpster because he was following Near. The last thing that came back was his sense of smell. He quickly climbed out and looked at his watch. It was 8:55 am. According to the schedule that Near had received, school began at 8:10. Giovanni remembered being tossed out somewhere around 8: 00, maybe 8:07, so he had been unconscious for about an hour almost. It was obvious that he would just get caught again smelling like a dumpster, but he had strict orders to watch Near. Maybe he could head back and take a quick shower and change, school _was_ about seven or eight hours long. But something could happen to Near in that short time.

He decided to break into one of the lockers and acquire some spray-on deodorant. He snuck around the building into the locker rooms and quickly started picking at one of the locks. In less than a minute he attained the deodorant and started spraying. He suddenly realized that he was being watched…by a girl.

She stared at him, and he stared at her. It suddenly dawned on Giovanni that he might have broken into the _girl's_ locker room by mistake. That _would_ explain the peculiar scent of fruit. He started to slowly back up when he bumped into something, or _someone_. He looked up to see a 7 foot 2 girl with an overbite, facial hair, and pigtails.

"Tiny's sister I presume?" She grunted and looked over at the first girl, who pointed at Giovanni.

"_¡PequeÑa, este hombre loco invadiό mi armario! Y el tiene una cascara de banana en su cabeza!_" Tiny's sister, PequeÑa, grabbed Giovanni by the back of his neck (the same way that Tiny grabbed him) and tossed him back into the dumpster. However, Giovanni still had the perfume (but he still thought it was deodorant). He hopped out of the dumpster and started spraying himself with the perfume before throwing it away. He knew that it made him smell like fruit, but it was better than smelling like a dumpster at least.

***

Near wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. Willy was so inhumanely dumb that he couldn't understand how Willy managed to get into a freshman class. Maybe he was being controlled by Kira? The same could be said about Billy, but he was on an entirely different level of stupidity. The teacher didn't seem to notice Near's misery, and if he did, he probably didn't even care. He was just rambling on about Greenland or something.

"…Greenland is the place with all of the ice. Iceland is where all the green stuff is, and that's possibly where our entire broccoli source comes from…"

Near looked up at the clock, which read 9:03. Only two more minutes of this misery. Where was Giovanni? He probably should've intervened by now! What could he possibly be doing, getting thrown into a dumpster and spraying himself with perfume?

9:04. Now only fifty-eight seconds away from freedom. Fifty. Forty-seven. Forty-two. Thirty-nine…

The teacher who has a really long name looked at Near. "Near, are you paying attention?"

"Huh? Uh…yeah."

"Then what did I just say?"

"Uh…Greenland has ice. Iceland has broccoli."

"And?"

"Um……" _What was that last thing?_ Before Near could answer, the bell rang and the entire class ran out. Natasha waited for Near as he grabbed his stuff and did his best to not be trampled by the students and the two dim-witted creatures that Near was forced to sit next to.

* * *

That was only first period, wait 'till Near sees what awaits him in _second_ period!

Billy and Willy are cameos in case you're wondering. Willy is from a TV show called Invader Zim and Billy is from a TV show called The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

In case you're wondering what "_¡PequeÑa, este hombre loco invadiό mi armario! Y el tiene una cascara de banana en su cabeza!_" means, it means something like, "_Little, this crazy man broke into my locker! And he has a banana peel on his head!" _

Let's hope that Near and Giovanni can survive second period! :)

Please Review!


	8. Chow Mein, Salsa, and a Bully oh my!

Sorry it took so long for me to update, the first 7 chapters I already had written before I got my account, so it took me a while to write this chapter. Plus, Spring break just started for me and my mom is taking me to a lot of different places. Also, this turned out to be one of the longest chapters I've written so far. Anyways, here's chapter 8, Enjoy!

* * *

_**8**_

"No one has ever lasted that long sitting next to those two." Natasha said, "How did you do it?" Near wasn't really sure _how_ he managed to survive those fifty-five minutes, but he knew that part of it was that he wanted to get to know Natasha better. He smiled. "I just kept reminding myself that class was going to be over soon." It was her turn to smile. "I would never be able to do that. Not even with my iPOD. So, what class do you have next?" Near looked at his schedule.

"I think it's Spanish, room HM 4." _Why do I need to learn Spanish? I'm talking to the Japanese task force! _

"Do you have _every _class that I do?"

"I dunno, do I?"

"Let me see your schedule." Near handed her his schedule and she skimmed through it before looking up at him with a half-smile. "You have the exact same classes that I do. Have you been spying on me?" Near just shrugged.

"Why would I spy? It must've been coincidence."

Actually, Near had Giovanni hack into the school's computer so that his and Natasha's classes would be exactly the same. He would've done it himself, but he didn't want to lie if he was accused of hacking into the computer system, especially since he was sure that Natasha wouldn't want to be with a liar. She smiled again.

"Well, coincidence or not, we should head to class." She linked her elbow with his and they both walked down the hall—until they realized that they were going the wrong way.

***

Near and Natasha entered a room decorated with Mexican posters and décor. However, Chinese posters and paintings were plastered all over the Mexican stuff. So, the room was more of a clash between sushi and salsa—except sushi is in Japan, so its chow-mein and salsa or something like that. But Near also recognized some Japanese things as well, so it was more like chush-shilsa (A/n that's supposed to be chow-mein, sushi, and salsa smooshed together.) Natasha set her backpack down and listened. You could hear a faint muffling sound coming from behind one of the doors on the other side of the room. She walked over to one of the doors and sure enough, there was a grown man struggling with a tower of packages headed their way. Natasha walked over to help while Near just stood there and watched as the boxes were carefully placed on the table in the front of the room—and then fell over without warning. The fallen crates revealed a Chinese man, maybe the teacher's assistant or something. _But, this is Spanish, right?_

"Sorry, Mr. Hong!" Natasha said as she hurried to pick up some of the boxes.

"It not your fault, Mish Petershon." He said in a thick, Chinese accent. Near noticed that the boxes were filled with…ninja gear?

"_What does this have to do with Spanish?"_ Near thought. Then he remembered Natasha saying that Mr. "Bob" was the only "normal" teacher at the school. Whatever those shurikens were for, he wasn't eager to find out. Once the boxes were picked up, Natasha once again introduced Near to the teacher.

"Mr. Hong, this is Near."

"Near what?"

"No, his _name_ is Near."

"What kind of a shtupid name ish that?"

"What kind of a Spanish teacher has ninja shurikens?" Near asked. The Chinese ninja Spanish teacher just stood there.

"………touché." he finally said, "You sh*t over there." Near had a weird look frozen on his face.

"What?"

"I shaid you sh*t over there." Natasha was trying to hold back laughter.

"He means 'you sit over there.' It's his accent that makes the "sh" sound."

She pointed to a seat in the middle of the class next to her and Near put his stuff there. He noticed that in the back of the classroom was a giant practice dummy and wondered vaguely what it was for. Natasha sat down just as the other students were piling in and talking about random junk. Was there something about dancing tuna?

"Alright, clash, shettle down sho we can shtart the leshon." But the class wouldn't settle down, the students just kept talking. Natasha passed Near a note and he read it.

_**"Lean away from the middle when the class gets rowdy."**_

Near didn't understand the note—until he saw something shiny whirl right by his head and into the dummy behind the class. When he looked toward the front, the teacher's face was as red as a tomato.

"CLASH! SHUT THE F*%#ING HELL UP!!!!!!!" Immediately the class was silent since no one wanted a ninja star going right through their noggin. "Now then, shall we begin the leshon?"

***

Gevanni knew that he was lost, now. He lost Near when Tiny threw him in the dumpster. He also knew that he was lost since he accidentally broke into the girl's locker rooms. Now, he was having trouble finding Near's class, therefore, he was lost and _really _stressed out.

He checked his watch, wiped the gunk off on his pants, and checked it again. The time was now 9:20. Near was probably in his second period class right about now. If he remembered correctly, Near's elective was changed from Drama to Spanish, but he didn't remember what room it was.

He started Hyperventilating and his fists were shaking. He got thrown into a dumpster, got caught in the girl's locker rooms, was called a "cascara de cabeza" or something like that, smelled like perfume, and was left wandering the _hell_ways of the school with absolutely no dignity left in less than a few hours. He was now willing to go through drastic measures…

To his right he saw a nerdy kid with geeky glasses and flaming red hair opening his locker. Desperate, Gevanni ran up to the kid, grabbed him by the neck, and lifted him off the ground! (A/n yes, he finally cracked)

"Where is Near's classroom?" he asked. The kid looked at Gevanni with fear.

"It's the banana-headed-fruit-smelling man! Don't eat me!" He screamed.

"Tell me where Near's class is!" Next thing Gevanni knew, the kid was crying—No, _bawling_ his eyes out. Loud enough to raise the dead in China! "_**WHERE IS HE, DAMMIT!?!**_" Gevanni practically screamed. He then noticed that some students were starting to enter the hallways, so he fled. But, his jacket got snagged on a hook that was suspended from the nerd's locker. He would have to find another method to locate Near…

***

"Repeat after me, _Ni Hao_." The class repeated him, but it was mostly a slurred version that sounded like "knee hi-awow" or something like that. While the class was trying to make the simple greeting sound decent, Natasha passed Near another note.

_**"He's supposed to be teaching us Spanish, but he insists on teaching us Chinese."**_

_But wouldn't it be simpler to just teach a Chinese class instead of trying to force it down the throats of Spanish students?_ Near thought. As if she read his mind, Natasha passed Near another note.

_**"He was originally supposed to teach a Chinese class, but not enough students signed up, so they sent him to teach Spanish instead. Well, that's what I heard. There's another rumor that involves Chili dogs and a giant banana, but that's not important."**_

While Near read the note, the crazy ninja teacher was throwing shurikens at another student and screaming "bee zway" or something like that. Near wrote Natasha a note.

_"Why would they have him teach a Spanish class if he's not properly trained?"_

Natasha quickly scribbled a reply.

_**"How the heck should I know? I'm not the head honcho! If I was, I'd change a lot of things around here."**_

_"Like what?"_

Natasha thought for a few minutes before she wrote her reply.

_**"Well, I would actually make the food edible, The Spanish teacher would actually speak Spanish, and we would only have to come to school for an hour a day."**_

Natasha was about to pass the note back to Near when a shuriken nicked her hand and landed a few desks back. As she grasped her hand, Near looked over to find that the thrower was a kid with a green Mohawk who sat in the front and was laughing and bragging about how he was a great thrower. He was bragging so much that he didn't notice that Near kicked him in the jaw (L-style!) until he was flying halfway across the room. The culprit got up and wiped his mouth to find that it was bleeding and that a tooth was knocked loose. The teacher would've sent them to the office, but he was in the hallway getting some green tea and more shurikens.

The Mohawk kid positioned himself in the fighting stance as Near climbed over the seats to face the person who dared to harm Natasha. He himself got in a fighting stance and waited for the perpetrator to throw the first punch. The green-haired punk did, but he put all of his power in that one punch and was no match for one of Near's L-style kicks aimed at the back of his head that threw him against the edge of a desk. The punk quickly recovered and charged at Near. This was a useless move since all Near had to do was move slightly to the left and stick his right foot out. The offender fell flat on his face in embarrassment, but quickly recovered and tripped Near so that they could be at the same level. The bully threw another punch, but Near rolled away only to get kicked by one of his buddies in the head. This threw Near off long enough for the tormenter to land a few kicks in his stomach. The bully was about to stomp on Near's head when Natasha jumped from a desk and landed on his back, knocking him down.

"You stupid little—" before he could finish, Natasha gave him a wet willy. This, of course, was followed by a chorus of laughter. But the perpetrator had no sense of humor, so he slugged Natasha. This, in turn, caused Near to be pissed as he lifted the 5 foot 8 inch punk rocker off his feet and threw him into a sea of desks just as the teacher _and _Vice Principal, who was a retired cyborg military general, walked in.

"STUDENTS!!! FRONT AND CENTER!!!!!" The students in the classroom lined up as Near helped Natasha up. The general scanned the classroom and his gaze landed on the unconscious student lying across a couple desks. "WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!?!?!?!?" He then noticed that Near and Natasha weren't in line. He pointed to them. "YOU TWO, COME WITH ME!!! SOMEBODY BRING THAT BOY TO THE NURSE'S OFFICE!!!" The two frightened students followed the cyborg. It wasn't even 10 AM and Near was already in trouble on his first day of school.

* * *

I bet you didn't expect Near to be strong enough to throw that kid, did you? I'll try to update again soon, (I'm aiming for a week at the latest). I don't speak Chinese, but I read on the internet that "bee zway" is how you pronounce "shut up" in Chinese. Sorry if that's innacurate. Also, I'm not making fun of Chinese people with the teacher, he's just a made-up character meant to make the story funny. If anyone is offended by him, I'm sorry.

_Will Near and Natasha survive the vice principal?_

_Is Gevanni willing to go off the deep end to find Near?_

_What will the next teacher be like?_

_**Find out in chapter 9!**_

**_Please Review. Constructive criticism is welcome._**


	9. Enter General Strawberry Shortcake

Here's Chapter 9! In the last chapter, Near and Natasha got sent to the Vice Principal's office. What will happen to them now? Let's find out!

* * *

**_9_**

Tick, tock, tick, tock. The second hand on the clock seemed to move slower than usual. At least, that's what Near thought. He had only been in school for a couple of hours and he and Natasha were already sitting outside of the Vice Principal's office. He wasn't sure why they had to wait outside of the room if the General had told them to come with him, but here they were, sitting outside of the Vice Principal's office awaiting their doom. Every second meant another second closer to doom, and possibly being grounded for the rest of their lives. He looked over at Natasha to find that she was biting her thumb and had a look of fear frozen on her face. He reached over and held her hand that she had clenched on the edge of her seat. She looked over at him and stopped biting her thumb. She relaxed a little and let him hold her hand for a few minutes before she spoke in a hushed tone.

"I'm scared, Near. I've never been to the Vice Principal's office in my entire life. Chad is going to kill me." _I knew it! Chad __**is**__a criminal! I hope Rester is OK. Hey, where's Gevanni? I probably should've seen him at least once today! _

***

Gevanni was now running through the halls jacketless for at least ten minutes. No doubt the nerd had turned the jacket in to someone and the hall monitors were tracking him down. If he was to find Near, he would have to survive long enough to actually find him.

_The hall monitors! They must be after me now! I have to hide!_Gevanni quickly jumped into the janitor's closet just as he started to hear footsteps and voices get closer and closer. It was really just two students walking towards the bathrooms, but he couldn't take any chances. These hall monitors were compromising his mission and forcing him to hide like a coward. But he was a member of the SPK! He was no coward!

_They think they can detain me in this prison? They're wrong! Those clueless students don't realize that by trapping me they are helping Kira. Or maybe they __**are**__working for Kira! I can hide no longer! I must go on the offensive!_ He felt around for a flashlight. _Toilet paper…mops…trash bags…__**Eeeewww! What's that Slimy stuff!?!?!?!?! **_

After a few minutes of blindly searching, he found the flashlight. The slimy stuff was just some soap that came from a bottle lying on its side. The supplies were;

5 mops

3 brooms

1 cart thingy with the soapy water in it

20 rolls of toilet paper

8 ropes

15 boxes of trash bags

6 gallons of cleaning chemical stuff

14 burlap bags

1 sink

10 boxes of latex gloves

50 buckets

20 self-adhesive hooks

5 gallons of soap (not including the one Gevanni go his hand in)

Shark tranquilizer…_**SHARK TRANQUILIZER!?!?!?!**_

2 pairs of water-proof boots

2 pairs of heat-proof gloves

30 boxes of matches

100 different color pens

47 notepads

And a partridge in a pear tree (Seriously, there was a banzai pear tree in there with a bird plushie sitting right next to it.)

After counting up all the supplies, Gevanni decided to do some exploring. Right above him was an air vent. He grabbed a rope, a burlap sack, and a few adhesive hooks and climbed up to the air vent by stacking buckets on top of each other. Once in the vents, he crawled around and looked through every opening he came across (which was probably a bad idea since one of them involved the lunch lady and the custodian and it wasn't a pretty sight.) He came across the art room, which was completely deserted for some reason. He placed a self-adhesive hook on the top of the vent and looped the rope through it and tied it to him so that he could lower himself into the room. He lowered himself in a Spiderman-like fashion (upside down-ish) and then he lost his grip, therefore, falling flat on his face.

As soon as he regained consciousness, he placed tons of paintbrushes, paint, and colored pencils in the burlap sack. He headed back towards the rope when he slipped on a pile of water. As he tried to grab onto something, his shirt sleeve snagged on the edge of a cupboard and tore right off. He merely picked himself up and tore off the other sleeve to match. He caught a glimpse of himself in the water's reflection and found that he liked this new sleeveless look. Once again he headed for the rope and he climbed up. There was still a lot of exploring to do…

***

Rester seemed to be doing a lot better watching Chad than Gevanni was watching Near. In fact, he was doing so well that he was just sitting at a table in Subway looking bored.

Chad hadn't really done anything at all that day except work at his job as one of those Subway people. However, he probably was only about eighteen, shouldn't he be at school? Or was he an early graduate? Rester looked at his watch and decided that he should probably buy a sandwich to avoid suspicion. He approached the counter.

"I'd like a foot long meatball marinara on Italian bread." Chad looked at him strangely.

"Have I seen you before?" Rester just remained calm.

"I've been walking around a lot. You probably just saw me somewhere." This didn't convince him.

"It seems like there's some specific place that I've seen you. Were you a teacher at Stephenson High or something?" _Is it possible that he remembers me from when he met Near in the park? I didn't even approach him!_Rester started to get a little worried for a moment, and then Chad just smiled. "It must be my imagination. You're too normal to be a teacher at that school anyway. Meatball marinara on Italian, right?"

***

Twenty minutes had passed since Natasha said that Chad was going to kill her. She wasn't biting her thumb anymore, but she and Near were hugging for some comfort. He was determined to keep Chad from killing Natasha, even if he had to risk hid own life. But still, he was only a teenage detective; he wasn't sure if he could stop the criminal named Chad from killing the girl he loved. But Chad _was_a lot like Mello, and Near _had_outwitted Mello on more than one occasion. Plus, he knocked a five-foot eight kid unconscious after the brute hurt her earlier that day. He might be able to save her. But for now, he just wanted to comfort her during this scary time that could be one of her last days on this earth. They just sat there hugging each other when the Vice Principal's Secretary came out.

"The General will see you now." She said, "And I don't suggest that you two lovebirds hold each other like that when seeing him. He has a habit of targeting smitten teenagers for humiliation." Reluctantly, they unwrapped their arms and followed the tall lady into another room. They stopped outside a big, fancy, wooden door that had engraved on the top "Vice Principal General Strawberry Short Cake". The name itself sent some confusion through Near. They were supposed to be scared of a cyborg general named Strawberry Short Cake? Apparently, the answer was yes since the Secretary turned to them and said, "Whatever last words you have to say, say it now. The General doesn't take kindly to students who disregard the rules."

Near and Natasha looked at each other. They didn't say anything, but they didn't have to. Both seemed to understand each other already.

_I'm scared, but I'm here for you._

They held hands and entered the ominous Vice Principal's office awaiting their doom. It looked like any normal Vice Principal's office, except there were tons of awards and photos decorating the shelves and walls. A voice seemed to come from the black swivel chair that was behind the desk.

"Sit Down." Both Near and Natasha jumped when they heard the voice, but they sat down anyway. Their chairs were pretty soft as well. Slowly the General turned to face them with a scowl frozen on his face. The grimace was horrifying enough to send chills down the teenagers' spines.

"Do you know what we do to troublemaking students at this school?" He asked. Near and Natasha trembled with fright as he leaned forward on his desk, not once removing his gaze from them. Natasha seemed the most afraid. "Well… _**WOULD YOU GUYS LIKE SOME TAQUITOS!?!?!??!?!?!**_" Near and Natasha were confused by this sudden reaction. Why was he offering them taquitos when they were supposed to be in trouble? And where did that goofy smile come from? Suddenly, his expression returned to normal.

"Dammit! That's the fifth time this month that my circuits have shorted out! Sometimes I wonder if the doctors just got my robotic parts from a dumpster and then used paper clips for my artificial brain!" This, of course, got a stifled giggle from the two students. He sat back down. "I've spent the time you two were outside reviewing your cases. Natasha Elizabeth Peterson, you're one of our top students. I would never have expected you to be involved in a fight, no matter the circumstances." Natasha nodded and the Cyborg turned to Near. "Near…_Ravinath_? What kind of flippin' language is _that?_"

"I dunno. I think its Ancient Hebrew or Russian." _It may sound weird, but it's a good alias._ The General shook his head.

"I don't get this, but these files say you've never been to any school before this!"

"I was home schooled."

"The files don't say that either."

"Maybe they're wrong, have you considered _that_?" General Shortcake looked quizzically at Near. He just remained calm! "If you have trouble believing me, you can call my mother and ask her."

"What's her number?" Near gave him the number and the General dialed. It was a good thing that he had planned for Lidner to pose as his mother figure while he carried out this plan.

***

Lidner's phone rang and she answered it.

"_Hello, is this Mrs. Ravinath?_"

"Speaking."

"_This is the Vice Principal speaking. Your son is in my office for being in a fight._"

_**Near got involved in a fight on his first day of school!?!**_

"Why what happened?"

"_According to some witnesses, they say it was self defense. Others say he threw the first punch. I'm going to have to talk to you in person._"

"Alright, I'll be there in fifteen minutes." Lidner hung up and headed for the car. _**Near got in a fight on his first day of school!?! I'm gonna kill that kid.**_

***

Natasha looked at Near perplexed "You _willingly_ gave him your mom's phone number? What were you thinking?" Near just remained calm.

"I think it would be best to not hide this from my mother. Trust me, she finds out everything."

The cyborg general hung up and turned to Natasha. "I guess I should call your brother as well.

* * *

That's chapter 10! Is it just me or have my chapters been getting a bit longer lately? Anyways,

**_Coming In Chapter 10 (WOOT! DOUBLE DIGITS!!!)_**

_Will Near and Natasha survive the Vice Principal?_

_Will Near Survive Lidner being mad?_

_Will Chad **really** kill Natasha?_

_How will Gevanni slowly becoming savage affect everyone?_

**_Find Out in Chapter 10! (Please Review)_**


	10. Traffic Problems and a Cow

W00T!!! DOUBLE DIGITS!!! 8D FINALLY!!!! Sorry it took so long for me to update, My older brother has been hogging the computer for homework and there's been some testing going on at my school. Once Summer vacation starts (June 4th) I'll try to update more often.

In the last chapter, Near and Natasha were in the Vice Principal's office. Will General Shortcake call Chad? If he does, will Natasha survive? Let's find out!

* * *

_**10**_

Natasha's eyes grew wide when the General spoke.

"No! Please, don't call Chad! You can't!" She pleaded.

"_He'll __**kill**__ her!_" Near screamed, but the Cyborg shook his head.

"It's school policy. I have to call the parent or legal guardian of the student in trouble. If you didn't want your brother to know, you shouldn't have gotten involved in a fight." Tears started to well up in Natasha's eyes as he dialed the number. _I hope you're happy; you just signed her death warrant!_

***

Rester was halfway through eating his meatball marinara when the manager approached Chad and said that there was a phone call for him. Rester eyed him suspiciously as the teenager walked over to the phone. About a minute later, Chad talked to the manager again and left. Rester quickly followed—but ran back in to get his meatball marinara.

Chad mounted his motorcycle and drove off with Rester following closely behind. Chad drove South and right over a small bridge. Just seconds after he crossed it, the bridge randomly exploded and a girder started swinging wildly over the gap.

_What the …? How the hell did that happen?_ Rester stepped out of the car to see the damage. The gap was at least fifty feet wide and the only way across was to drive over the metal beam that the girder was swinging. If he turned around and went another route, he would lose Chad. So, the choice basically was either life and disobey Near, or death and follow Near's orders. However, even though he didn't believe it, things could get disastrous if Chad really was a criminal. Plus, if Near really wanted to, he could send an embarrassing video of him doing the hula while on a unicycle and reciting the fart song via spam. After a moment of thought, Rester headed back to the car and started driving towards the gap.

He had only one shot at this, it had to be timed perfectly or else he'd most likely die. The metal bar was only thirty feet away…twenty feet…ten feet…NOW!!!

Rester slammed the gas and sped off the ramp. He was airborne for about five seconds before a bumpy landing on the girder. Almost as if on cue, the bar swung upward and the car started to roll backwards. He shifted gears and slammed the gas so that the car climbed upward and the girder started to balance itself out. He was now in the middle of the girder now. Rester then sped forward and flew off of the girder. That seemed like that was it….but it wasn't.

A really big business building suddenly appeared out of nowhere right in front of Rester's oncoming car.

"…And so I said 'Cheer up! It's not like there's a drive-by going on!'" Just as soon as the man finished up his story, Rester's car came crashing through the window. He had no choice but to keep driving. The trash and junk that he had to drive over made it sound and seem like and actual drive-by shooting, except inside a building. He crashed through the opposite window to find that his problems had just started.

_What the F---?_ His obstacle this time was a random, flaming hoop that they have in circuses. Rester just kept his foot on the gas and prayed that he would make it through. Out of some miracle, he did make it, but now a random flock of ducks decided to fly right in front of his windshield! And if that wasn't enough, A GIANT GODZILLA LIKE MONSTER APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE AND ATTEMPTED TO GRAB THE CAR!!!!! Rester landed back onto the gravel and sped off, hoping that nothing was following him. He let out a sigh of relief when he looked over his shoulder to find that nobody paid any attention to him as he drove off.

Chad was just somewhere up ahead; he just had to catch up to him…

***

The two teenagers were once again sitting in ominous silence, but this time, it was in the Vice Principal's office. Natasha was close to tears, but she and Near couldn't comfort each other this time, for the Cyborg eyed them with an evil glare. However, with this possibly being Natasha's last day alive, she needed some comfort, and Near didn't really care at the moment if he was ridiculed; Natasha needed comfort. He was about to get up when The Secretary called the General.

"_Sir, Mrs. Ravinath is here to see you._" Without looking away, the General responded.

"Send her in." Within moments, Lidner entered the room. The General pulled out a third seat and Lidner sat down. Near did his best to avoid her gaze, like a normal child would. Lidner was doing a good job acting like a parent who was upset that their child had got sent to the office on the first day of school—except she really _was_ mad. Near had actually _volunteered_ to go to school! Most students would trade in their game boys and Xboxes to just so that they could stay at home and catch bad guys like Kira (if they weren't supporting him). She and the rest of the SPK didn't hack into the school system, come up with fake documents, have her and Rester pose as fake parents, and come up with a fake (and pretty ridiculously sounding) last name just so that Near could get into fights!

The Cyborg spoke. "Mrs. Ravinath, your son got involved in a fight today during second period. We have a strict policy about this sort of thing, especially on the first day of school." As the cyborg rambled on, Natasha looked out the window to notice that her brother had pulled up. A lump had caught in her throat, then she saw the strangest sight; even stranger than Near eating his toy.

A car drove up several feet away from Chad's bike. The interesting thing about the car was that it was on fire…and was being chased by a fire-breathing robotic T-rex, an army of UFO's, and an army of angry hobos barking like dogs asking for money! Rester jumped out of the car and did a somersault to get away from the car as it exploded and sent all of the things chasing him to kingdom come! Trees and bushes and even a giant gangster potato nearby were caught on fire! When the smoke cleared, Natasha looked back through the window to see Rester kissing the ground. It was hard to tell, but it seemed like he was screaming something that sounded like, "I MADE IT!!! I'M ALIVE!!!"

"Miss Peterson, what are you looking at?" Natasha looked away from the window and towards the Cyborg who addressed her. It was obvious that no one would believe what she saw, so maybe it would be best to make something up.

"I…uh…I saw a squirrel. He was going like this!" Natasha did her best squirrel impression and her face turned a shade of red when Chad walked in on her act.

"Do I _really_ want to know why you're doing a dog paddle in the Vice Principal's office?" he said. Chad was wearing his Subway uniform and was holding his bike helmet. "In fact, _why_ are you even _in_ the Vice Principal's office in the first place?" The General faced him.

"As I was just explaining to Mrs. Ravinath here, Natasha got involved in a fight. I know she's a good kid. It seems that this is more linked to Near—" Lidner stood up and did her best _"how dare you accuse my child" _impression that a lot of mothers usually do at this point.

"How can you accuse my son of starting a fight at school? He is a _great_ kid! You don't even know the whole story! In fact, where are all the other kids that were involved in this fight as well!?!"

"The third kid is in the nurse's office. And he's _my_ son."

_This guy is__** married**__?_ Natasha thought. _He doesn't even look like someone that a __**dog**__ would be willing to get close to!_

"I don't know about you, but I want to know the _Whole _story before jumping to conclusions." Chad stated. He glared at Near as if saying, "_This is your fault._" But to Near, it translated as "_Once I'm done with Natasha, I'm coming after you._" This sent a shiver down the teenager's spine.

"Near, what's your side of the story?" Near looked at the General.

"What basically happened was that Natasha and I were in Spanish class. The teacher had left the room and some random kid with green hair threw a ninja shuriken at her." Lidner looked at Near strangely.

"Where would a kid get a ninja shuriken?" She asked. The general didn't seem even half as surprised.

"I'm assuming you have Mr. Hong?" he asked. Near nodded. Lidner still looked confused. "Mr. Hong has an issue with ninja gear." He explained, then he turned back to Near. "please continue."

"Anyways, the kid threw a ninja shuriken and it cut her hand." This was the first time that anyone else really noticed that Natasha's hand was covered in blood. Lidner's face went pale and everyone was suddenly silent as The General opened a drawer and pulled out a bandage. He handed it to her.

"Once I give the verdict, go see the nurse about that hand." She nodded and the General turned back to Near. "So, what did you do after that?"

"I…sorta…kicked him…"

"So you _did_ start the fight?"

"He hurt Natasha! What did you expect me to do, just sit there?"

"You could've told a teacher." _But I've never even been to a real school before! How the heck was I supposed to know that?_

***

Gevanni crawled through the air vents of the school. He had dropped off the supplies that he picked up at the janitor's closet. So far, the only rooms that had anything useful so far were the art room, the band room, and cooking class. Next stop was woodshop.

Once again, Gevanni lowered himself into the room. This time, though, he didn't attempt to lower himself spidey-style. He just lowered himself normally…until a flock of ducks randomly flew in through an open window and started annoying him. In an attempt to swat them away, Gevanni let go of the rope and plummeted to the floor anyways.

He merely picked himself up, but the ducks still wouldn't leave him alone. One of them even stole his left shoe! Normally, he wouldn't do this, but he started throwing saws at the birds and yelling at them. When they finally left, Gevanni scanned the room for anything useful. The room was somewhat dark, so he flipped a switch to turn the lights on. But that wasn't a light switch; _that_ specific switch turned on every saw and sander in the room! One of the saws that he threw was on the floor right behind him. It snuck up behind him in all the confusion and traveled all the way up to knee-level on his right pant leg before Gevanni turned the switch off.

It was then that he noticed the saw stuck on his pants. Being careful not to injure himself, he removed the saw and checked the damage. Luckily, his pants suffered most of the damage and his leg only had a few scratches. Deciding that it was too dangerous to stick around for too long, Gevanni merely grabbed a few coping saws, a few files, and headed back to the vents to plot his vengeance on the hall monitors…

***

The Vice Principal eyed both Natasha and Near; his hands lay folded on top of his desk. His bionic eye seemed especially focused on Lidner for some reason. She took note of this and did her best to hold back an appearance of both fear and irritation. The General glared at the two students for another minute before speaking.

"I have heard the story from both of you. It seems to me that Near started the fight, but you, Natasha, should've known better than to get involved in a fight. Near Ravinath, Natasha Peterson, I sentence you to—" at that moment, his brain started to short out again. When he faced them again, he had that goofy smile on from earlier. "FREE TAQUITOS!!!"

The two teenagers were relieved that they weren't suspended, but one look from Lidner showed that Near wasn't getting away from this Scot free.

"Don't think you got let off the hook, young man. We're still discussing this later." She got up to leave the room when the General, whose brain was still short-circuited, made a big mistake.

"BYE COW!!!" was what he said. As if to put the icing on the cake for pretending to be a mom, Lidner pulled a tazer from her purse.

"_**What did you just call me**_!!?!" This didn't look like it would end well.

"Li—…I mean, Mom, calm down!" It then occurred to Lidner that if she tried to solve this with a fight, it would set a bad example and possibly get him expelled…but she didn't care.

Lidner started towards the Cyborg with the brain of a four year-old when his secretary came in.

"Here are the free taquitos you ordered." Taquitos were passed out to everyone. Figuring that nothing bad could really happen everyone ate them, they ate the taquitos.

"Don't think you're getting off easy, young man." Lidner said. "Your father and I will still talk about this when you come home." Rester was supposed to pretend to be Near's dad during this whole plan. Chad pointed a taquito at Natasha.

"Natasha, you're not getting let off easy either." Natasha trembled and Near was terrified. Lidner noticed this.

"What's wrong?" She whispered.

"The wolf hunts the angel," He whispered back, "He strikes at midnight." Translation: _Chad is going to kill Natasha tonight_. Near followed Natasha out of the room and Lidner soon left. She exited the building and entered her car. As soon as she was in the car she dialed a number.

"_Hello?"_

"Rester, I need you to keep a very close eye on Chad."

"_Why, what's wrong?"_

"Near says that Chad is going to kill Natasha."

"_You honestly believe him?"_

"I don't know, but I don't want to take any chances."

"_Fine…"_ Rester hung up. Lidner was hoping that somehow Near was wrong (and there was a very good chance that he was), but she didn't want to take any chances. As ridiculous as it sounded, Chad could very well be a criminal.

* * *

There's chapter 10!!! Yes, the flock of ducks that attacked Rester were the same ones that attacked Gevanni!  
(Don't worry, Gevanni won't end up naked, He's still going to have some clothes on!)

_**Coming up in chapter 11;**_

_Will the ducks strike again?_

_Will Chad kill Natasha?_

_How far is the savage-turning Gevanni willing to go on his quest for vengeance?_

_Will Near survive the rest of the day?_

_Will Lidner get over the "cow" comment, or will she plot revenge?_

_And **WHY **is that one kid's head so big!?!  
(Thatonekid: _**MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!!!**)

**_Find Out in Chapter 11!!!  
_****_Please Review!_**


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